INNOCENT LONGINGS

 
 

By Carol Sandford

 
 

Chapter 06

 
 

"GET OUT!"

As Will's shocked and horrified voice boomed throughout the room, both Wesley and Deanna jumped with the ferocity that came with it. Will turned and pointed towards the door, his full stare on Wesley, and roared, "I said, GET OUT! NOW!"

Wesley stumbled over his trousers and hurriedly crept past Will, cowering low in case he hit him. Will watched him go with sheer malice in his blazing blue eyes until he had completely left her quarters and he didn't care that he was now probably running along the corridor in nothing more than his underpants. He was so angry, mostly at himself for not seeing it coming, angry at himself for turning Deanna away, and angry for leaving her on Risa so long ago. Will was just bloody angry.

Will slowly turned to face Deanna. She was sitting up in bed, looking at him with fear in her eyes. He watched her unconsciously pull at the sheet to cover her body, and her eyes never left his face. They stared at each other trying to rein in the emotions that were still screaming out of control inside of them, and time stood still for the couple who had so much between them, but not enough to totally fulfil each others wants and desires, neither one of them daring to take that last leap of faith to re-unite, and re-ignite their long lost souls.

Will took one step towards her but hesitated when he saw her eyes grow wider as she started to panic. He stopped himself and closed his eyes in order to bring himself in check before he dared to speak to her. He knew that what ever he said to her now could escalate into words that they would both regret, but eventually, with pain in his heart, he whispered, "Why, Deanna?" His question cracked with emotion and he swallowed hard to keep himself from breaking.

Deanna's eyes filled with tears and bewildered, she numbly shook her head. She was confused, he could sense that and his rigid stance melted a little along with her admission. He took a few more tentative steps towards her and asked again, needing to make some sense of it all. "Why, Deanna? After everything I said to you."

Tentively, she held her hand out to him, her eyes begging him to sit beside her and try and understand, and forgive her. He looked at her hand outstretched to him, and after a long moment, Will took it within his and quietly sat down close beside her.

Deanna hesitated before she spoke and Will saw a tear escape her eye and trail a lonely path down her cheek. He reached his hand across and gently stroked it away. Her hand caught his and she pressed her face into his palm. He felt the featherlight kiss against it and his heart quickened it's beat, inwardly groaning with futile need.

Pulling his hand away, he effectively severed the intimacy until such time he could reciprocate. He simply was not ready for her. "Deanna, why Wesley Crusher? I need to know." He asked, confusion lacing his words, and his heart.

Her beautiful face frowned lightly as she pondered on the reason why she was so drawn to him. "I'm not sure, Will. I know that when he's near me, I think about you."

He looked at her with surprise because it wasn't what he was expecting her to say. "Me! Why, for heaven's sake!?"

Deanna looked away as she remembered a time long past, a time she recalled and treasured often. "I see him, and I remember you, when we were on Betazed." She turned back to face him, her eyes troubled as she told him, "I think it's because he reminds me of how you were, then."

Will was clearly perplexed, but no matter how he tried to see it, he couldn't see the connection, and failed. "But he's nothing like me, not to look at, or how I am."

Turning away for a moment, Deanna picked up the photograph of the two of them and studied it with a sad smile on her face. "When Wesley held me like you did when this picture was taken, it was you. I can't explain why." She shrugged delicately. Sadly.

As Will pulled her to her feet, the sheet that covered her near-nudity fell to the floor, but nobody noticed. This wasn't the time for anything sexual and as Will gently pushed on her shoulders so that she faced away from him, he placed his arms around her and pulled her close, like the photograph, and asked, his breath caressing his ear, "Like this?"

Even though Deanna slowly shook her head, they continued to savour the moment as she lay back within his strong arms, both remembering the long past memory, both lost in each others thoughts, until Deanna spoke quietly. "No, it's not the same. You're not the same, Will"

Will was beginning to get frustrated, and annoyed with her. "What do you mean, I'm not the same?" he said, exasperated. "I'm still me, I can still hold you the same, and I still love you the same."

Deanna pivoted in his embrace to look up into his face, his endearment completely escaping her. "No! you're...bigger. The Will on Betazed was still a young man, not much older than Wesley. You didn't have a beard then, either, like Wesley. It's like he's you...then." she explained, realizing at that moment, that at last, she was making sense.

And then suddenly, Will understood. He gently lifted her face so that she had no choice but to look into his eyes. His understanding, his love, his compassion, his sorrow, and his heartfelt apology at the grief he had caused her when he had left her behind on Risa, rushed through her as he crushed her against his chest, enfolding her in his arms as he poured out his heart.

"I am so sorry, Imzadi, I should never have left you. I know now that I could have had both you and my Starfleet career, and I should have come back for you. I wanted to, so many times and I should have known that you would have waited for me. I used to dream about you every night, and I often dreamt that you were calling me. I should have come back. I'm sorry."

His last apology came with a choked sob and Deanna pulled him tighter into her own embrace, and together, they tried to mend past hurts. The time they stayed like that was immeasurable, both soaking up strength from each other to face whatever lie ahead, for which ever path they chose to take from then on.

Will slowly moved his hands up her slender body his fingertips brushing lightly over the satin camisole she wore and his body's response was instant. Deanna moved her own hands over his back in unison. Both looked into each others eyes at the same time and both succumbed to the passion that had to happen between them.

Their lips met and they exploded. Will groaned into her mouth as he pulled her even tighter into his embrace and his hardness pressed against her own rising desire, forced there by his hands as they gently cupped her behind, somehow managing to bring her even closer to him.

Tearing herself away, Deanna whimpered raggedly against his throat, her plea more tahn evident in her one word. "Will!?"

Will bent his knees a little and with his strong hands, dragged Deanna up by her buttocks, her legs automatically locking around his waist. Kissing her deeply as he lowered her onto the bed, he positioned himself between her knees. There was no time to remove clothes, and no time to stop and make love leisurely, and neither wanted it any other way.

Will reached down between them and unzipped his fly, moving aside the satiny material the had kept her hidden from him. He entered her in one, swift motion and her scream was caught in his kiss as he held her head captive within his strong hands. Feeling him embedded deep inside her body, her eyes flew open with surprise. Will grinned into her shocked face and crowed, "Something else that has gotten bigger with the rest of me."

 
     
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