THE BATTLE WITHIN

 
 

By Carol Sandford

 
 

Chapter 02

 
  ~*~

Deanna stared at the object in her hand, unsure how to hold it, or even how to use it. She had asked the replicator for the unusual request, turning down several different varieties, until at last, she was satisfied with what she'd settled on. That was until she'd tried out the unfamiliar task and had to go back and replicate some more.

Deanna's first written words were shaky and blotchy, but with determination, and ignoring how much litter strewed her carpet she persevered. Sheet after sheet of the lily white paper hit the floor, and she tried again. And again.

And then again.

~~*~~

'Will. This letter is to a man who I love, have loved, and will always love. You. I know right now that you are are hurting and that I am the cause, and I am sorry for that. My words to you seemed out of character last night and I had hoped, will all my heart, that I would never have to say them.

Our time in the Jalara was inimitable and led us to now; Two special friends with an even special tie to keep us together. But I want you to let me go, Will. I need you to let me go. I need you to release me with your blessing, and with happiness. I know I can't expect that of you yet, but I hope with these words you will come to understand.

So many years ago, I gave you my love and my soul, as I welcomed yours in return. But more than that, we gave each other us We were fated to meet on my planet, Will, of that I am certain. Whether it had been sooner, or later, it would have happened. What might not have happened, is all the other things that came between us that led us to here. Now.

Day by day, year by year, our friendship got stronger, but our love stayed a long past memory. What is truly amazing is that the memory is as vivid today as it was back then. That is testament of our true feelings; To remember that moment. To remember that intensity.

Just to remember.

And I do, Will, reverently. But that is how I want to us to be: just as we are. Treasured friends with cherished memories.

You may wonder why I have put my thoughts into words. I remember your poem, Will, it will be forever imprinted on my heart and I could recite it here and now and know that its impact would reduce me to tears, as it always does when I need you to calm my muddled mind.

I'm going to quote it to you now, Will. Feel its impact from my soul and I hope at the end you will understand.

I hold you close to me.
Feel the breath of you, and the wonder of you
and remember a time
Without you
But only as one would remember
A bleak and distant nightmare
And you shudder against me in your sleep
Do you share the memory with me of dark times past?
And you smile
Do you share the memory of times to come?
The future holds such promise
And just as I cannot imagine how I survived the past
Without you
I cannot imagine a future
Without you

How could I deny our Imzadi bond, Will. How could I do that? Denying that would be like ripping out my heart, and yours and discarding it. But both you and I know that it wouldn't make the slightest bit of difference. Our bond is here for keeps. For ever. For eternity, whether we like it or not.

Be my friend, Will, please. Ask nothing more of me because you already have it all. Let the past stay in the past. Let us be who we want to be. I want to be friends.'

Yours eternally,

Deanna

~~*~~

 
     
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